🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I want Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in small ways. My assumption was recording a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the priority in your friendship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?